“I Do Not Want to Be a Victim But a Victor” – One Woman’s Story

I just received this touching letter from one of our Roommates4Boomers members, Beverly. So many of us have been through what she is going through.  I asked Beverly if I could have permission to share her letter with everyone, and she graciously agreed. Read on…

Hi Karen.

My name is Beverly.  First, let me say Thank You for bringing awareness to Boomers like myself.  You have opened a whole world for those of us not knowing quite where to go from here.

I am 61 yrs old.  Divorcing after 35 years.  Finding myself after living in California for 32 years, in the vacation/retirement home(he wanted)…. by myself.  This home is located in the San Juan Islands, in Washington State.  I have been here almost 6 years. I live in Friday Harbor – one of the islands here.  It is a beautiful place and I have embraced it for that… as I have begun my journey to heal amidst the isolation here and not knowing anyone.  To come and go off island…one has to take a ferry.  The logistics and cost and car problems… keep me from venturing out by myself.

So I do understand living solo after years of raising three children.  Caring for homes…loving dogs and having friendships.

My world really did turn upside down.  The crash of the economy in 2008/2009 affected so many of us.  I was lucky enough to have this home… as we walked away from everything in California.  HE walked away from it all.  Even though I have worked on my inner self and will continue my personal growth & development as I transform my new life, the load feels so heavy.  Depression does set in and going through this complicated divorce with division and trying now to sell my home… there are days one does wonder 😉 how to carry on.

I do not want to be a victim but a Victor.  I am not looking for a pity party but strength from other women who I know understand. Finding your website gave me hope that a solution such as that may work for me. Maybe you have connections in my state of Washington.  I will not continue to live on this island once my divorce finalizes.  I have many financial decisions ahead of me. I am hoping to sell my home this upcoming spring summer season.

I know I have given you a lot to read and I thank you for your time – but most importantly – I thank you for the compassion and empathy behind the thought for Roommates4Boomers. We all really do need each other. I do not have family to rely on… so I must rely on me and maybe a little help from some new friends.

All Best
Beverly

21 thoughts on ““I Do Not Want to Be a Victim But a Victor” – One Woman’s Story

  • March 2, 2015 at 7:40 am
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    Hi Beverly,

    I live In a large condo in Seattle and would love to meet or correspond with you. I am divorced and have always thought I would gather a group of like minded people to live together had I not remarried by this time in my life. But of course that takes time and contacts which until recently, I was too busy with my career and since not from WASHINGTON originally, didn’t know that many people other than professional colleagues.

    I would be happy to exchange email addresses and see if we can develop a friendship and perhaps facilitate a win-win relationship. The best to you in your new ventures and journey.

    Reply
    • March 3, 2015 at 6:23 pm
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      It’s so nice that you’ve reached out, Kathleen. You and Beverly can easily connect – and find out a whole lot more about each other – if you join Roommates4Boomers (join at http://roommates4boomers.com) and do a search. Good luck to both of you!

      Reply
  • March 2, 2015 at 6:11 pm
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    This is for “Beverly.” I understand and relate to your predicament. I was born and raised in So.Calif. and moved up here by Myself, to the Seattle area almost 10 years ago. I am also alone and have no family to rely on for company, etc. I would like to find a possible Room/Housemate somewhere in Western Washington. I’m not actively looking but possibly in the near future. Best of Luck to you Beverly and I’d like to hear from you and anyone else in this area, who may be interest in connecting. Thank You!

    Reply
    • March 3, 2015 at 6:25 pm
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      This is so great to see women connecting, all from the same area! I urge you to become a member of Roommates4Boomers where you can connect with Beverly and Kathleen – and maybe some more women in the area interested in exploring shared housing. Let us know if you make connections, OK?

      Reply
    • March 19, 2015 at 7:12 pm
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      Thank you Karen for the valuable service you provide! I hope to find other women in the Washington(State) area to communicate with. I Think I am already a member of your “Roommates 4Boomers” otherwise, how could I get on this site? Maybe I’d better Check! Thanks again!

      J.Lynn Wilkerson

      Reply
  • March 3, 2015 at 3:52 pm
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    I wanted to respond to Beverly’s email personally. Is there any way for you to forward an email from me to her?
    Pat

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    • March 3, 2015 at 6:31 pm
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      Hi Pat – The best way to make contact with Beverly and communicate with her privately is through Roommates4Boomers. Please go to http://roommates4boomers.com, sign up to become a member, and then search for Beverly and any other women in the area who are exploring shared housing options. Best of luck!

      Reply
  • March 6, 2015 at 9:58 am
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    Beverly,
    I was touched by reading your letter and also feel for you. My predicament is probably not uncommon, but leaves me with an isolated feeling as well…the details are to painful to get into but I would love to connect with you and other woman. I think the more we reach out and help each other emotionally, the stronger we will all become. It’s too bad we can’t all start a business or a community of some sort! A place that no matter where we go, we can connect for support. I do not have family either.

    My thoughts are with you and I will keep you in my prayers. I hope you will be given the strength, guidance, patience and wisdoms you will need to get through this hurdle and then go on to your new life!

    You are not alone.

    Sincerely,

    Tricia

    Reply
  • March 6, 2015 at 10:50 am
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    Beverly,

    You are not alone….so many of us are facing the devastating and long term effects of being over fifty, alone and without support. My own situation is not an easy story to tell, but I will tell you that my heart goes out to you. Stay connected and you will become very strong. Let other women empower you and give you strength. I have yet to learn how to reach out to others in time of need, but I have learned that when I go to the right source, and it does take searching, I get the true blue support that I need.

    It is a journey to the next steps. Let us all help each other!

    Reply
  • March 10, 2015 at 11:56 pm
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    I am new to roommates4boomers.com but it is a wonderful site. We all reach a time in our life that we need to be with people. The best part is that we can relate on one level or another from Beverly’s letter. I have just located and retired after working all my life. It feels great not to have THAT stress, but now I have new ones to deal with. But the best part is to know I am not alone. So if anyone in Marin county region outside San Francisco needs a tidy, quiet, filled with energy woman, please keep me in mind. Good luck on all of our journeys…Gayle Sadowski

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  • March 19, 2015 at 4:58 pm
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    What a wonderful opportunity for the older, single women to connect. Beverly, I hear you, have been there and now treasure the peace I have found. However, the fears are still there, the loneliness…there are so many of us all in circumstances we arent prepared for!! I live in the Portland area and would love to be connected with you on your journey. Anything I can do for you would bring me joy. God has lead me through many challenges and I know he will you, also. Just trust, be grateful…you cant lose!!

    Reply
  • March 19, 2015 at 5:09 pm
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    I would like to reach and connect with Beverly. Anytime you feel like talking, please get in touch. I understand exactly how you are feeling. I too am trying to put together a new life

    Reply
    • March 25, 2015 at 2:13 pm
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      It’s heartwarming to see the understanding and sympathy that have been offered here, and even more so to know that so many women want to connect. I hope that all of you have joined Roommates4Boomers as members so that you can find one another.

      Reply
  • March 20, 2015 at 8:58 am
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    San Juan Islands sound beautiful. Sorry you might have to sell. Perhaps with a roomie you won’t have to. I live in Solano County and have been looking for someone to dhare my 4 BR home but it is hard to trust and also give up privacy. She would have to be tolerant of my cat and my untidiness. LOL! I also am looking for someone who can help me organize my office. It is. Mess Wally! I still work full time, and very involved with music being a vocalist in a band. I attend a Music Performance class at DVC in Pleasant Hill. It is a lot if fun and I finally found the passion I knew I always had to perform. I also play guitar. These activities help me enjoy life and forget the worries of the future growing old alone. Like Thoreaugh said: I sucked the marrow of life…”

    Reply
  • March 20, 2015 at 9:48 am
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    Would like to meet/correspond/visit and perhaps one day share a home with someone in a warm climate.
    I am 63, healthy, part time pain management Therapist. I’m a cold Canadian looking to relocate by hopefully sharing space with one or more lady. We all have a story that brought us where we are, luv this site, helps to make me feel not alone…. Fran

    Reply
    • March 26, 2015 at 11:48 am
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      Hi Fran,
      What is your idea of a warm climate? Costa Rica or southern California? I live in southern Washington and have wondered about Costa Rica. I don’t know if I am brave enough to move there. It might be fun to visit, however.
      We have a moderate climate in southern Washington, and not alot of snow.

      I am 74, healthy, a retired Licensed Practical Nurse. I have family and friends, but cannot always relate to them about my issues. I like where I live but the rent goes up and up. Presently I am trying to downsize and somewhere down the road look for a roommate to share expenses and life.

      Anyway, you are not alone and how nice it is to have this website. I remember watching a special on PBS about an Indian family that lived and worked in Seattle. The parents decided to move back to India so their children would be exposed to the culture. Their son said that for the first year he missed Seattle. But what he noticed about India was that he had a sense of belonging.
      So, I think there are those of us who don’t have that sense of belonging. So through this website, maybe we can feel a little less alone and something we can belong to. Anyway, you are not alone.
      Take care.

      Betty

      Reply
      • April 1, 2015 at 4:03 pm
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        Thank you so much for your reply Betty. Yes, warmer climate like Costa Rica…Florida would do also, it was -40 many,many times here last winter. I would probably like Washington is there was a lake or the sea..lol
        And yes , I do think this is a great website. I am presently downsizing and have my house for sale.
        Next winter hope to spend at least one month in the sun, more if my house is sold. I Recently gave myself a goal of packing/donating/throwing out one box a day…so far so good.
        Best wishes, Francine

        Reply
        • April 13, 2015 at 8:15 pm
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          Hi Francine,
          Sorry I have not responded. I came down with a horrific cold and my ears plugged up.
          After all of that, I got back to getting rid of alot of my paper that I had filed away. I have not looked at any of this since I filed it….so out it goes.
          I came across a book called “The Magic Art of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. I have read numerous books on clutter and downsizing and she makes the most sense to me. She focuses on just getting rid of one thing(s) at a time. Like clothes, then books, then paper, and then miscellaneous. I thought wow, this is really great. She sells her book on Amazon.
          I don’t like the cold either, so I hear what you are saying. We do have lakes, rivers and the coast is about a 2 hour drive, so makes for a nice day trip or weekend trip.
          Well, good luck with your downsizing.
          Take care.
          Betty

          Reply
  • April 3, 2015 at 5:55 am
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    Hello Beverly,
    I have been there while still raising 4 children. One of my financial solutions was to rent out part of my house to others, home share style while getting ready to sell the property. Several home share landlord experiences were the tipping point on my resume when I entered my second career as a resident property manager at age 65. Now at 70 I am entertaining the home share idea again for retirement. I have an eye toward a high end senior building with good amenities for maintaining health such as a pool, and properties of that type always come with hefty rents.
    As to location, I see that being in close proximity to my children is the smart choice. Furthermore I have already traveled the world and everything I want now is right here. My husband is gone but I am still a mother and my children are my “people” forever.
    In addition, I have realized that I am still a homemaker at heart and that is what I am doing right here as I manage this large building which is home for so many seniors, only now I am paid for the work I am doing. How good is that?
    I know your future is bright.
    Marion

    Reply
  • April 22, 2015 at 7:24 am
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    Hello. I have been reading the posts and comments with great interest. The concept of bringing potential roommates together at our age is terrific. I am a boomer author, retired attorney, who writes about our mutual problems. I have a new website I’d like you to visit and a new book (not yet published or for sale) that might be insightful and interesting. This is not a business for me. After decades of representing seniors, I’ve decided to make public some of the behind the scenes, hidden dangers that await us all. LET’S NOT BE VICTIMS! Thanks for following. Paul.

    Reply

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